So if you've been watching me this year you'd see that the only events that seemed to have happened to me were the rejection from school and I saw the new Star Trek movie... And rtwise there's been just as little activity.
The truth is there's been a lot more going on than that, unfortunately its all been negative. Like dealing with a rat infestation, or being sued for the third time this year (!) and having my wages garnished...
Its all stuff I'd rather not talk about, and as a result I've noticed this whole year to be just...a waste. I mean in started off bad with what happened in January, and it seems I have yet to recover emotionally. I know that's true when I by chance saw a SCAD gallery and was pissed thinking that only 1 or 2 pieces there were as good or better than anything I can do. The rest were.... yeah, its like that old saying "if you don't have anything good to say..."
I just felt like shit thinking "THEY don't believe I'm good enough"
*sigh* Anyways, like I said, almost a year later and it still hurts. So much so, that I've secretly thought of saying to hell with art altogether.
You know, its so easy to get caught up in the day to day grind with a job that you dont even realize how you're just going through the motions...just waiting till life's over. Its ridiculous that that's the extent of what life is, when I feel that's nothing like what it needs to be.
Its as if after all of our collective growth and evolutionary progress, we're still little more than hunters & gatherers. Except instead of being in the bush wearing a loincloth, we're in concrete jungles wearing uniforms.
Anyways, I dont want this to turn into a rant, I already attempted writing this twice and each time this turned into "Mein Kampf" only with the wealthy and the exploiters taking the place of Jews,

I had really big plans for this year all of which have been now postponed until next year.
In the meantime, to aide with my financial problems I am officially taking commissions.

===COMMISSIONS====
I doubt anyone will take me up on this, but who knows,,,
I'm not going to set up a pricing system, since I dont believe in doing sketches and all these variations of an art peice. So to put it simply...

I CHARGE $80 DOLLARS MINIMUM

That's steep, I know, but for that you get a full-on illustrated peice. None of this mess where its one character standing there floating on a page filled with white nothingness.... To me that's not worth anything. Not even 20 bucks. For the price of 4 of these 20 dollar sketches that feature 1 character, I'd rather have a fully completed peice with 4 characters in it. Here's an example of what I'm talking about, a commissioned peice from last year...
[link]

Simply send a note, e-mail me, or get in touch with me via AIM (though I'm rarely on to talk at this moment), after which I'll reply and tell you if I'll accept the gig or not.

==================================
As for my 2009 Goals list, it reads like a joke now... Almost nothing was accomplished, either because it became impossible (like stuff for school), or because I was too strung up on personal b.s. and/or stress and time constraints from work, to make anything happen. I'll still close out with it, but just re-reading it now 10 months later and realizing how much time was been lost, its just embarassing....

==========================
GOALS FOR 2009
---------------------------
INAPPLICABLE = Obtain matriculation fee
CHECK = *Begin work on adult concept project.
CHECK = *Get a Netbook.

*Have a conversation with.... (TOP SECRET)
*Begin re-modeling of DA - starred pieces
*Complete TOTUS "ashcan" & website.
*Refurbish wzrdrobe - nothing fits anymore!
*Begin/complete claw version 1.0.
*Begin/complete backpack project.
*Obtain CWP.

I'm suspending my usual journal entry for now to review Star Trek, so I'll have an Oz-centric journal entry in a week or two along with uploading new art, so stay tuned....

But anyways....I was a naysayer a year ago, and even before that, but I'm now forced to eat my words because the new Star Trek KICKED MY ASS TO THE MOON!

I doubt there's any way I can review this in 1,701 words or less, but I'll try....

This is without a doubt the best breath of fresh air the Trek franchise has had in a long ass time. Things were at a height with Star Trek, way back when First Contact was huge, TNG re-runs were on in sindication, DS9 and Voyager were going strong too, and the STar Trek franchise was freakin' everywhere, even in Las Vegas with their own themepark....but then everything went to shit.

One bad move after another began to happen. Insurrection....shitty movie (sorry Ross) with very little of interest to it.
DS9 replaced Dax in the last season (the fuck?). Voyager pulled, what I felt, was a bunch of ratings grabbing stunts, paramount of which (pun INTENDED) was the introduction of the Borg as the main heavies (what about the Kazon?), and of course adding SevenofNine to the cast. Then DS9 ended on a really melancholy downbeat note, Voyager ended and felt more like a really rushed "deus ex machina" ending, which almost gave me the impression the show was on the bubble and rushed the ending in order to beat some mandate from the studio regarding cancellation. That same fate would befall "Enterprise".... And of course that show came after yet another shitty movie: "Nemesis" (sorry Rex), where yes the only cool thing about it was the vehicles....the Scimitar, the Argo, those little Reman jet fighters....but damn it Jim! -it's a movie, not a toy commercial!

Then there was Enterprise.... wow. Just.....wow. Probably the most polarizing Trek incarnation, even more so than the animated series...and yes I'll defend the animated series to the death!! Chekov or not!
People either really loved Enterprise or just really hated the piss out of it... I happen to stand in the latter group of urine loathers (sorry Ross -again). I think Enterprise to me was just not Star Trek....and my biggest problem with it all was the fact that it was a prequel. I always felt Trek should go FORWARD, not back. What was the point in showing us back stories about THE FUTURE???....and it was headed up by the dude from Quantum Leap???... I mean, I would try to watch Enterprise and get into it, but I kept expecting the hologram fucker with his "ziggy" palm pilot thingy to show up and be like "Sam! According to Ziggy if you don't prevent this event from happening Captain Kirk may never be born, and Spock will commit suicide at the age of 28!"

So Star Trek just seemed to be slipping off the face of the Earth...3 shows ended, movie series ran into the ground and another show that was forced to end prematurely due to the threat of cancellation. And what of Las Vegas?, They tore the fuckin' theme park down!!....THE FUCK?

So yeah, I was really skeptical about this new movie, especially it being yet ANOTHER prequel. Last one sucked, so why wouldn't this, right?

Well, I was wrong...really fucking wrong. Damn it does this kick ass. It doesn't insult or push aside anything that's not already established in the franchise and yet it gives you less of a prequel and more of an alternate re-telling of Star Trek from the begining. And the real beauty part about all this is, that it works for people who are new to Trek as well as those of us who know what the hell a "jeffries tube" is. I mean, I found myself unable to actually keep up with all the stuff that felt familiar to me... like the bullies messing with young Spock, or mentioning the USS Hood, or CYRANO-FRICKIN'- JONES!! (check the end credits)...
I'd need to see it again just to check out all those touches of continuity I might have missed!

On top of all that, the story is told in such a way that it captures all the humor that honestly seemed to be left out of all the other Star Trek series. The original show always felt like the crew was a family and there would be comedic moments that spawned from that relationship because you got the idea that these people had worked together for so long and knew eachother so well that they knew each of their crewmates tricks & foibles. The shows that came after the original all felt at times like they were trying too hard to be taken seriously, and made comedy seem like it was a bizarre/foreign concept at times. And this problem is not a factor with the Trek reboot. The chemistry of the people on screen amazes me considering that these people were all strangers to one another just a small time ago, both as characters and as actors.

Now despite the movie kicking my ass (listening to the soundtrack now and probably going to see it again tomorrow) there are a few flaws... First was the the fact that, to me, it seemed like they were trying too hard to invoke Wrath of Khan... from showing us Kirk taking the Kobayashi Maru, to actually lifting dialogue from the film ("You have been and always will be, my friend.") it seemed like they were trying to follow a formula set forth by that movie rather than forging ahead with something fresher. Which is what I felt was one of the problems with the last movie (Nemesis). I mean, in Star Trek '09 there's even one scene lifted straight from Wrath of Khan.... its one of ST2's most memorable (creepy!) scenes.
And even another part where I sat there and thought "Man this looks like the Mutara nebula scene from ST2.
Which brings me to the other problem....the villian. If the movie is envoking Khan so much, the villian should be at least half as memorable as Khan himself, right? Well despite a similar story/motivation (waiting in isolation for 25 years, desperately wanting revenge) "Nero" certainly is no Khan....not even within spitting distance of Khan. Eric Bana does a good job with what he has, but the problem is there's just not much there. I mean they could of put any new character there and the movie would be the same. Same can be said for his race. I feel the only reason they made him a Romulan, despite the excuse to include the old continuity's Spock (Nimoy), was to also connect this with the last movie "Nemesis" where the Romulan empire seemed to be in a heap of shit...which would make this new movie a prequel, AND a sequel, AND a reboot all in .one.
Wow...so you *CAN* have your cake and eat it too. Good to know. I guess JJ Abrahms doesn't believe in the no-win scenario either. LOL

What I will say I liked about the villian Nero though was his final scene...I wont spoil it, but there's something admirable about him being so strong in his convictions to make the choice he made in the end, even if it was completely psychotic!

So to sum it all up REAL FAST, because I'm going to be late for work....

The GOOD: ALMOST EVERYTHING!!
The BAD: Too much Wrath of Khan and Nero was kinda....blah.
The UGLY: The little dude that follows Scotty around....still cute though.
The HOT: UHURA'S ROOMMATE!! MUTHA FUCKIN' GREEN CHICK!! And Spock's mom being a MILF!...MILFs in SPACE! I'm sure Roddenberry would be all over that!

After 3 months of badgering my advisor on whether I've been accepted to school or not, I finally received some communication, and.... I've been rejected.
They turned me down.
The mighty Casey struck out.
The final bell came and the judges sided with Apollo....

So that's about it.

I figured I would be more angry than this. Or sad. But I'm not really sure what I'm feeling. Maybe I'm just so use to people telling me I'm not good enough. Like I'm immune to it, and it simply carries less weight now. I mean, if this had been 5 to 10 years ago, I would of been throwing shit out the window and punching holes in the wall, but instead I feel this sort of anti-climactic vaccum encompassing me. Its like the ending to "Raiders", and you see that after this long and hard fought battle with Belloq's douche-ass, the indigenious arabs, and the many soldiers and agents of the third reich, not to mention snakes and a monkey.... we're forced to sit back and watch as the fruits of Indy's labor --the Ark, gets carted away into the hollow anals of bureaucracy, to be lost for probably ANOTHER 3,000 years, burried in a tomb of, this time red tape, as opposed to sand.

At least that's the message *I* always got out of the ending, along with the obvious reference to Citizen Kane.... but what do I know.

At any rate, I feel like that though...that same anti-climactic feeling of "Poor Indy, It was all for nothing" that I felt with Raiders. I mean, I look at all the shit that's had to happen thus far, and that it was all done in an effort to succeed here... I mean, picking up and moving, re-arranging my life, having nowhere to go back to, leaving people behind, going overboard into debt... it was all for nothing. Wow.
At least Indy could say he got Marion back.... shit, where's *MY* Marion?....

I remember the guys at work saying how I must be either stupid or crazy to do all of this sacrifice and risk for this and yet not have any gurantee that I'd be accepted...and this coming from people who have 2 and 3 "baby mamas" and can barely read or write is a very large insult to my ego.
I guess because it makes me realize that I'm no better than they are.

Through my roommate I've learned over the past 2 years that the city seems to be filled with people who came here with big hopes and dreams and they too were never accepted. Or worse, they flunked out. And now they just drink and "hang out" all damn day.
I had a dream last night that showed that as being my fate....weird dream, but it'd probably be best to call it a nightmare.

And I'm now left with the decision of what to do next...

?????

==========================
GOALS FOR 2009
---------------------------
INAPPLICABLE = Obtain matriculation fee

*Have a conversation with.... (TOP SECRET)
*Begin re-modeling of DA - starred pieces
*Complete TOTUS "ashcan" & website.
*Begin work on adult concept project.
*Refurbish wzrdrobe - nothing fits anymore!
*Get a Netbook.
*Begin/complete claw version 1.0.
*Begin/complete backpack project.
*Obtain CWP.

One year ends the other begins.... Fluidity of time is a great mystery. And here all of us are white water rafting down that river known as the the quantum canal.
So what happened this past year?... First black president, Indiana Jones is back and only myself and Butters seemed to like it, QOS was nowhere near as good as CR thanks to a douchebag director, (same can be said for Frank Miller and Ms. Kickboxer in regards to Spirirt & Punisher respectively), Morgan Freeman said "Shoot THIS mother fucker!", new Metallica album ruled my fucking world, and MGS4....I don't even want to talk about that shit, which is why I never posted a 1,000 word rant on the topic here, its not even worth my time. Kojima is fucking dead to me. And of course we lost Dave & Bettie...
[link]

At any rate, as per the last 3 years or so, I've continued my "Tao of McConaughey", only this past year -2008 it was something of a failure...I was barely able to complete half of what I needed accomplished. I'm not even sure how that happened. But I guess I can attribute that to this long transitional period (new job, moving, moving AGAIN), which has been stretched out for far too long.
But now that things are seeming to be more stable I'm hoping most of what needs to be done, will be accomplished.

==========================
GOALS FOR 2009
---------------------------
*Have a conversation with.... (TOP SECRET)
*Obtain matriculation fee.
*Refurbish wardrobe - nothing fits anymore!
*Netbook.... Netbook = JACK THE INTERNET!
*Begin/complete claw version 1.0.
*Begin/complete backpack project.
*Begin re-modeling of DA - starred pieces
*Complete TOTUS "ashcan" & website.
*Begin work on adult concept project.
*Obtain CWP.

Updated with some new artwork from my recent portfolio. I wish I had more time to keep polishing them, but you know how it is with deadlines.
One thing in particular, I've pulled another Lucas and gone back and changed the first panel from Ghost Rider Femme. I was never really satisfied with it, so it was worth revisiting. You can see a side by side comparison here: ---> [link]

God only knows what's going to happen in the next 2 months where school is concearned... One thing's for sure, I got to find a way to make some money to cover matriculation before the year ends...

SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'm still wide open for commissions. I've yet to set prices, so just send a note, e-mail, or message me via AIM, we can negotiate something at that time.

As for the election... I'm fairly sure who the winner will be. Mind you, I'm just going based on the campaign signs people place on their lawn to tell me who's going to win. And based on the overwhelming popularity at this point I'd have to say all hail President Lender Foreclosure.

You know that joke would be funny if it wasn't for the fact that there's some people I actually know who would think I'm being genuine. *sigh* Wow.

And expect me to start on some drastic changes around here in the coming months... I feel I've grown as an artist, and more importantly as a person, and I want this account to reflect that. I would like it that in a year from now you wont recognize it. Hell, most people who knew me before probably wouldn't recognize me now if they saw me. So this space on-line should accurately reflect that change.

Stay Tuned...
==========================
GOALS FOR 2008
---------------------------
CHECK = *Get my computer replaced.
CHECK = *Fix "lack of funds" situation.
CHECK = *Get domain name stuff in order.
CHECK = *Finish up & submit portfolio.

*Fulfill the Brezsny Prophecy.
*Complete TOTUS "ashcan" & website.
*Get "Sides" short done for website.
*Begin work on adult concept project.
*Find a LEGAL way to make 10 grand over night (I AGAIN doubt this one's happening).
*Obtain CWP.
*Beat the living shit out of Ross Campbell!